The Sigur Rós’s new ‘mystery film experiment’ is actually based on Shia LeBeouf’s bad acid trip into his future self from when he was playing Cooper in the movie ‘Bobby’.

I’ve been secretly indifferent towards Sigur Rós for a while but now I kinda just dislike them. You have to be able to ‘get into the zone’ to really appreciate them or else they’re just fucking irritating. I used to like them in high school but in the last few years I’ve come to find Sigur Rós pretentious (somewhere in the world a hipster gets an asthma attack) and overplayed. Sigur Rós used to define good taste. Especially when their music is used as part of the soundtrack to an obscure film. That is, until you realise that they’ve also been on the soundtracks for TV shows such as CSI, Private Practice, Being Human and Vampire Diaries.

At this rate I can only listen to them sober for so long before they start to sound like howling eunuch monks. The fact of the matter is they haven’t used real lyrics in years and  Jónsi Birgisson, really, Jimmy Page was using the bow guitar 45 years before you. It’s getting old.

In the band’s ‘mystery experimental series’, they’ve given a dozen filmmakers a modest budget and the freedom to do whatever they want based on how each song inspires them. I can relate a little better to film #1, which is ‘ég anda’ by Ragnar Kjartansson. Sometimes when I listen to Sigur Rós, I too feel as though I am going to die.

Wall Street Journal summarises film #3 ‘Fjögur Píanó’ as “a couple caught up in a destructive spiral, possibly revolving around drug addiction, lovesick co-dependence or both.”

Oh please. These are the same themes used in recent Rihanna and Katy Perry music videos, if not all of Lady Gaga’s music videos. Using dead or framed butterflies as a symbol of fragility is cliché, if not lazy. Plus, I can’t help but appreciate butter woman when Shia dances (clumsily) and slips on a pair of zebra tights over his tightie whities. Shia’s nostrils go full-flare when he and Denna Thomson start to hungrily lick fluorescent scorpion-centered lollipops in between their pretend fights. That’s how you know Shia LeBeouf is serious.

eBuzz is calling Fjögur Píanó ’beautiful and bizarre’, which is what happens when you expose the mainstream public to ‘artsy’ things they don’t understand and they don’t want to look stupid or feel conflicted about their favourite celebrity hard-ons. This, I do find amusing. The film’s YouTube comments go something like “this is very artistic”, “this is art, you asshole” and “omg Im crying”. The rest of the comments are people defensively talking about Shia’s wang.

Experimental cinema requires a kind of anonymity, which is impossible once you’ve cast the kid from a Michael Bay trilogy. Shia LeBeouf’s penis just beat director Alma Har’el’s mainstream debut as the title of a Rolling Stone article, which is a shame because I liked ‘Bombay Beach’. Never mind either that thousands of performers have bared more than just their genitals in the history of experimental cinema, they’re not Shia LeBeouf so it’s not going to make E! Online.

As an actor, there has to be a fine art in breaking from blockbusters to art house. Shia LeBouf isn’t being subtle like say, Ethan Hawke as a novelist and theater director. Ryan Gosling managed a flawless, subdued transition from Hollywood rom-coms to indie music darling with Dead Man’s Bones. MaCauley Culkin works in The Wrong Ferrari (his real life drug use helps) but Shia on the other hand has too much star power to pull off something this obscure.

I’ve liked Shia as an actor but I feel lately he’s been making some bad creative decisions. I was excited when I first heard that he was going into directing but so far I haven’t liked any of his film work. In fact, it’s pretty bad. His recent collaboration with Marilyn Manson ripped off Pasolini in a bland and textbook manner. By the time Manson started quoting Macbeth, I could feel an upchucketh coming upeth. The poor taste doesn’t stop there.

‘Let’s Love Hate’ which LeBeouf co-directs with Lorenzo Eduardo uses a choir version of Radiohead’s ‘Creep’ throughout the whole b&w short film. Need I say more? Their road trip video with Kid Cudi isn’t really worth a mention.

‘Fjögur Píanó’ tells me that Shia LeBeouf is still adamant on breaking out of his light and goofy comedian schtick even if he’s long past that mark. He’s likable as an actor but someone needs to tell him he’s trying too hard.